


what day it is

by emavee



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, Peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches, Pre-Canon, Presumed Dead, Sibling Love, seance, they're having a rough time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 19:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18037049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emavee/pseuds/emavee
Summary: It's been a year since Five disappeared and Klaus knows what his siblings want when they show up at his door in the middle of the night. But is he ready to face the idea that his brother is really dead, or is it better to just stay in the dark?





	what day it is

**Author's Note:**

> I love the hargreeves children. they deserved so much better
> 
> inspired by the fact that when Five first lands in the apocalypse, the first people he calls out for are Ben and Vanya

Klaus is still awake when they came knocking on his door. It’s not like he doesn’t also know what day it is—he does, he feels it in his very bones, weighing him down. 

Breakfast had been bad. They were always silent at mealtimes, but this was entirely different, crushingly heavy, smothering. The food didn’t taste right. The silence didn’t feel normal.

They’d all been a little weird that day, so although he wasn’t expecting it, he wasn’t entirely surprised to find two of his siblings knocking on his door at midnight, long after curfew. 

Ben was a familiar sight; he and Klaus had always gotten along well, spent time together—even more time now that… 

But Vanya was new. Klaus and Vanya were, realistically, very different people. They didn’t spend a lot of time together, which was probably fine for both of them. Klaus tended to be too much, Vanya not enough. He was too loud, she was too quiet. He was too brash, she was too reserved. It didn’t mean they didn’t like each other, just… they usually didn’t show up at each other’s rooms in the middle of the night.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

Vanya and Ben glance at each other, looking nervous and hollow. Vanya chews away at her bottom lip, so Ben gets to be the one to speak up.

“You know how you can talk to the dead?” Ben asks.

“No, I wasn’t aware,” Klaus says, rolling his eyes. The attempt at humor falls flat when he sees his siblings staring at him with their stupid watery eyes. “Yeah, of course I know. What is this about?”

The cold feeling of dread building up in his stomach is enough that he knows what they’re getting at. He knows why they’re here, why they’re asking about his powers. 

He knows what day it is. 

“Five,” Vanya whispers.

Klaus swallows. He’s been avoiding this very idea. He doesn’t want to go looking for Five. 

“It’s just…” Now it’s Ben’s turn to chew his lip and roll his jaw and look anywhere except at Klaus. “It’s been a year.”

“I know,” Klaus says, maybe a little harsh, but  _ damn it, _ he  _ knows. _ He’s kept track of every day Five’s been gone, just like Ben and Vanya. They’re not the only ones who loved him.

“Ben and I,” they glance at each other again, needing whatever support they can get, “we were talking. About Five. About how if it’s been a year—”

“Maybe he isn’t coming back,” Klaus finishes. He’s had the same thoughts. They all have. It’s possible Vanya’s the only one still holding out hope.

Ben and Vanya nod.

“What if—”

“You think he’s dead,” Klaus interrupts Vanya.

“ No. The others  think he’s… dead,” Vanya corrects. There are tears in her eyes, and no one misses the way her voice cracks on the word  _ dead _ .

“And you want me to go looking for him?” Klaus asks. “And what if he isn’t dead?”

Ben shrugs. “Then at least we’ll know.”

“And what if he is dead?” He can barely say the words. It’s what he’s been avoiding thinking about all day.

“Then we’ll know,” Ben repeats, softer now.

“But I’m the one who will have to see him,” Klaus snaps, harsh enough for his siblings to reel back slightly. “I’m the one who’s going to have to look at our dead brother’s ghost. You get your confirmation but I just get another ghost.”

"Klaus…"

“Don’t you want to talk to him again?” Vanya asks, begs. “Don’t you miss him—”

“Of course I do!”

“Don’t you want to say goodbye?”

“I don’t actually like seeing dead people, Vanya,” Klaus hisses. “Think about what you’re asking of me.”

“But it’s not just another dead person,” Ben argues. “It’s… it’s Five. He’s not like all those horrible ghosts you don’t know. It’s _Five_. Maybe this is the one way that your power is a blessing. You get to see the people you’ve lost.”

“You have the chance to see Five again,” Vanya whispers. "You're maybe the only one who does. I don't understand why you wouldn't take it."

Klaus hesitates, frozen. It sort of feels inevitable. Eventually he  _is_ going to go looking for Five. He was always a bit curious, never knew when to stop himself. It would have eventually gotten to be too much, not knowing what happened to Five. One the one hand, he’s terrified of what the confirmation of Five’s death will mean. But on the other hand… 

“Fine,” Klaus finally says. “But we’re not doing it in my room. If Five wants to haunt us, he can do it in his own space.”

Vanya nods eagerly, although the expression on her face is closer to one of dread than excitement. 

Ben follows Klaus down the hall to Five’s room, but Vanya slips away with a mumbled  _ be right back. _

Five’s room hasn’t really been touched since his disappearance. He didn’t have a ton of personal items in there, not compared to Klaus or Allison, and what few objects of importance were left there were taken by their father, locked up in his study where he cold mourn the loss of one of his favorite experiments. What’s left is coated in a fine layer of dust, and the floorboards creak with disuse. 

“He’d get mad at us for being in here,” Ben says softly. Five was always did like his personal space.

Klaus grunts in agreement. “Maybe he’ll show up just to yell at us to get out.”

Ben laughs and empty laugh. “Yeah. Maybe.”

Klaus runs his hand along Five’s comforter, brushing away the dust. It’s cold and stiff and he hates it so he pulls back and plops rather unceremoniously down onto the floor. Ben follows his lead and then a moment later Vanya slips in and joins them.

“Where’d you go?” Klaus asks.

In response, she sets a plate down in front of them. On it is a hastily-made peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich. Five’s favorite.

Klaus frowns. “You know he can’t eat that if he’s dead.”

“I want him to feel at home,” Vanya says softly. “Besides, he might not be dead,” she adds as an afterthought, as if she too is beginning to resign herself to the very real possibility that Five’s never coming back. If Five were coming back for Vanya’s peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches, he would have done it long before now.

“Right. Okay. Five,” Klaus begins. “I’m, uh, not actually sure how to do this. Dead people usually just show up to visit me. You’d think you’d want to come visit your brother. I mean, I—I know I’m no Ben or anything, but I could pass along a message. Still can.” He chuckles half-heartedly and glances around the room. Nothing changes. No ghosts appear. He can't decide whether or not to be upset about it.

“Five?" he continues. "C’mon, bud. We’d like to see you again. Well, I’d like to see you. I’ll just have to pass along a description of your scrawny ass to Vanya and Ben here, but they’d like to chat. You just sort of ran out on us, no goodbye or anything.” He sucks in a deep, shaky breath. “Why’d you do that, huh? That was really shitty, Five. So why don’t you show yourself and give us that explanation. You owe us!”

He realizes suddenly that Vanya is crying. Her teary-eyed expression from the hallway has evolved into quiet sobs. Her hand is clenched around Ben, who also has tears running down his cheeks. Klaus can feel his own eyes burning, anger and frustration and grief all rolling around together, threatening to spill over.

They all hear it—movement. A pen rolls off of Five’s desk and onto the ground, clattering in time with the sound of Vanya’s gasping sobs.

“Five?” Klaus asks. “Are you here?” 

Did he make that pen move somehow?

“Is it him?” Ben asks, looking around the room for something he has no chance of actually seeing.

“Why won’t he show himself?” Klaus mutters.

“Maybe it wasn’t him,” Vanya says between shaky, steadying breaths. “That could have been nothing.”

Klaus is on his feet before he even realizes it. He can feel his hands clenched by his sides, fingernails digging into his palms. 

“Show yourself, you stubborn bastard! Show yourself so I can be done with this!”

He clambers up to stand on Five’s bed, bouncing slightly and ignoring the way Ben and Vanya stare up at him with their puffy, red-rimmed eyes and gaping mouths like he’s lost his marbles. Five would absolutely hate him being up there. Good. Maybe he’ll show up just to murder Klaus.

“Show yourself!” He’s being too loud. He knows it. He doesn’t care. “Damn it, Five, show yourself. Just… just show yourself. Show yourself or  _ come home _ . You gotta pick. You have to _do something_. Come on, Five.  _ Please. _ ”

His eyes are squeezed shut, but tears still prickle at the corners. He can feel a gentle tug on each arm—Vanya and Ben. They tug him down to sit on the bed and crawl up on either side of him.

“So he’s not dead,” Vanya says. She’s running a soothing hand up and down Klaus’s arm, her voice drifting up through the angry, buzzing fog that fills his head. “Nothing happened. He’s just not dead, that’s all. It didn’t work because he’s not dead.”

“Yeah,” Ben says. His hands are still clenched around Klaus’s. “Maybe. Probably.”

“No. No  _ mayb _ e,” Vanya insists. “No _probably._  This just proves it. He’s still out there.” She laughs, a little hysteric and whispers, "He's alive."

“But the pen—”

“That wasn’t anything. Just the wind or something. Or maybe I accidentally kicked the desk, I don’t know. It doesn’t mean anything, right Klaus?”

“The ghosts can’t usually touch stuff,” Klaus admits when he finally gets his voice to work. “But Five did always have to try and go above and beyond. He couldn’t do anything the normal way.”

“He isn’t dead,” she says again, repeating it to herself like a mantra.

“Alright,” Ben agrees. “He’s still alive.”

“Unless I just couldn’t summon him,” Klaus snaps. “It doesn’t always work the way I want it to. This was a stupid idea. It didn’t prove anything.”

“It proved something to me,” Ben said. His jaw his set, his expression tight and stubborn.

“What was that?”

“It proved that I’m still allowed to have hope,” he says, and for the first time that night, he smiles. It’s small and weak and it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it’s a smile all the same. Klaus catches Vanya mimicking it as she nods and he has to scoff. No, this whole experiment just made him feel worse. Ben squeezes his arm and directs his smile at Klaus as if he expects him to reciprocate. Normally, it would work like a charm—a cheery Ben really could be infectious when he wanted to be—but not tonight. 

They don’t understand. They don’t understand Klaus’s powers, how fickle they are, how the ghosts he desperately wants out of his head never leave but the ones he wants to see somehow always elude him. They don’t understand that he never wanted any sort of confirmation, that he’d rather live in limbo. They don’t understand that if Five really is dead, there’s a good chance that seeing him that way might very well break Klaus. They don’t understand that… 

“You’re missing something important,” Klaus whispers. 

“And what is that?” Ben asks, his grip on Klaus tightening.

“If he’s not dead, then where is he? Why doesn’t he come back to us? It’s been a  _ year. _ Doesn’t he want to come home? Doesn’t he miss us?”

They don’t understand that if Five, who was always the most stubborn, who actually stood up to Dad sometimes, who somehow fit in better than any of them even though he acted arrogant and pretentious all the damn time—they don’t understand that if that Five decided they weren’t worth it anymore and walked out on them, that could break him just as well. Any of the others and he’d just say  _ screw you _ , but he never thought it would be Five.

“He does,” Vanya says. She doesn’t sound sure. “I’m sure he misses us.”

“He’s got to,” Ben says. “He’s just… busy.”

“He is always busy,” Vanya agrees. 

This isn’t how he wanted the night to go. Until stupid Vanya and Ben dragged him out of bed and made him go through this, he just wanted to curl up and put all thoughts of Five out of his mind and try and not think about the two equally terrible options: either his brother, his steadfast, reliably asshole-ish brother, who could always be counted on to appear when he was needed, was dead, or he was just done with them, walked out and turned his back on their whole family, on siblings that needed each other to get through the  _ hell _ that their father called normal. Either way, Five was gone. 

Maybe Five isn’t dead, but it sure doesn’t feel like he’s alive. 

It still feels like grief.

This feels like grief. This feels like mourning.

All smiles are gone and so is the idea of talking. Vanya slowly rests her head on Klaus’s shoulder, then after a few moments, tugs him back to lay down against the pillow before tucking back into his side. Her bony knee digs into his thigh, but he can’t find the energy to tell her to move. Ben joins them a moment later, curling up on Klaus’s other side. One of his hands is fisted loosely in Klaus’s t-shirt, the other is thrown across his chest to hold Vanya’s. Klaus stares at the ceiling, listening to his siblings’ breathing change. He can hear when they individually, Vanya first, then Ben, let the tears run freely once again, there’s a change in the pattern of their breath as it begins to rattle and hitch. Then, he can hear as they calm back down and return to near stillness. Eventually—Ben first, then Vanya—their breathing grows deeper and steadier and slower as they drift off. It takes Klaus a bit longer to work through the pattern, but eventually the weight of his brother and sister on either side of him and the sounds of their soft snoring lull him to sleep as well. 

He is tired after all. He's been unbelievably tired all day.

They stay there all night, the three of them tangled up on Five’s bed, and when they wake up, they don’t talk about it. Vanya scoops up the untouched sandwich and tosses it in the trash and they go back to their regularly scheduled lives.

It’s a new day now, and the ache isn't gone from his chest, but there’s nothing left to do but live it as best they can. He'll just have to carry that ache until Five manages to get his act together and show his face, one way or another.


End file.
